Dosa Dosa Kecil

I don't expect people to read my blog. Just in case.

Hari ni tak keluar lunch. So, I just spent my time in office while waiting for azan. Suddenly, I felt some pain in my left chest. Allahuakbar! It scared me to death. Aku takut aku kena heart attack. Dada ketat. I tried to breathe slowly.

Then aku teringat. 16 May 2006, 11.29 pm. His very last breath. My right hand was holding the Yaasin. And my left hand was holding onto his chest. Degupan jantungnya semakin perlahan. I know the time has come.

And tetiba air mata pun bergenang. I look around - my colleagues were out for lunch. What if this is the real sakit jantung? Who will help me? I whatsapp my adik Kimi, but he was busy at work I guess.

And my strength came. Entah dari mana. Bangun dan terus berjalan perlahan2 tanpa arah tuju. Yang aku tahu, aku harus berjalan. Pengalaman menjaga orang2 sakit: kalau kita lemah, kita lebih sakit lagi! I walked around the workstation area. Dada masih sakit, namun berkurangan.

Went back to my desk. Aku tarik nafas sedalam yang boleh. Sakit. No! Don't panic! I diverted my focus. Terus bukak email and sambung buat kerja.

Belum sampai waktunya lagi untuk aku pergi. I need to go to Specialist. Errr... minggu depan je lah! No one cares. Diri sendiri apetah lagi.

P/S: sebenarnya aku tak tau pun jantung tu kat mana. Yang aku tau, dada aku sangat sakit! Semoga terhapus dosa-dosa kecil...