Bicara Hati ~Aku Yang Seorang~

It has been 3 years... 3 yrs 5 mths and 25 days to be exact... The last day I was called a wife...

I have been receiving the same questions over the years. "Bila nak kahwin lagi?", "Takkan tak jumpa calon?", "Ni mesti memilih sangat", "Sibuk sangat kerja lah tu", "tak jumpa sebab tak cari!" and et cetera.

Do you think I love to answer all those questions?
Do you think I feel good living by myself alone?
Do you think I didn't do anything to get someone to love me?
Do you think its easy hurting my own heart by answering what you guys what to hear?

Sometimes I just keep my mouth shut because my answer might hurt some people. Or probably hurting my ownself.

I've tried. I have met few guys. Mostly having the same agenda. Well, I'll keep the agenda as a secret. I've tried anyway! Please stop saying I didn't try that hard!

I try to make my life simple. No love before marriage. Simple? But not easy.

Until one day, just one day before 1st Syawal. I had known someone, whom, at that particular time, claimed to be my blog reader, who wanted to be my someone. We chat almost everyday. We never met because he's far away in Sarawak. He called a couple of times and texted me everyday. And I started to feel, why couldn't I give it a try? Of course I was not comfortable with Long Distance Relationship. But, who knows?

When I started to put some trust on him, he suddenly disappeared from my life. No call, no sms, no chat, nothing... Until recently, I got an sms "kita kawan je ye"...

To be honest, I almost feel nothing. Nothing hurts me anymore. Even with what he has done to me.

Look what you guys have done to my life! I am heartless!!! Where's my frustration? Where's my sadness? Where's my feeling?

I need a husband. To love me. And to be loved by me. I really don't need a man who just want to have fun with me! If you really want to be just a friend, just be one!